My Inner Healer

This week, I wanted to try something new and as I was listening to the woman on the cd tell me to envision someone wise my grandfather popped into my head. Without even realizing it, during this exercise I was doing something "new", but I didn't recognize it until I was reading the other blogs and reflecting on my personal journey. When someone says, "picture someone wise" I always think of my grandfather- this may not seem odd but in fact it is. I've never met my grandfather, he was killed in Vietnam long before I was born, but I have spent the last decade of my life searching for people that served with him to try to get a personalized view of the man that he was. Time and time again I would receive e-mails about how my grandfather seemed to be a man beyond his years.

He was an officer and a pilot in a unit that did recon and intel missions that were mostly classified (and unfortunately still are). On a rainy early morning mission, his OV-1C Mohawk was shot down just after take off, both he and his co-pilot were killed and there was significant damage to both of their bodies- so much to the point that I am not sure that they were able to separate the two for burial. After the crash a soldier was dispatched with a team to attempt a recovery mission. That soldier wrote a letter to my grandmother ten years after the crash.

He said that my grandfather was a role model and that the men in the unit were devastated by the crash. My grandfather was a firm believer in Christ and while he did not push his beliefs on others, he was always there to lend support to them and to remind them that there was a higher power. He held firm in his beliefs and morals and even in the face of adversary and certain death he never swayed from what he believed in. My grandfather had such an impact on this man that after his tour was complete in Vietnam he joined the Seminary and became a Missionary of God. The letter was postmarked from Papa New Guinea and Rev. Fiebeg said that he was writing the letter to let my grandmother know that he appreciated my grandfather and the remarkable man, soldier and follower of Christ that he was.

To me, the word wise means a lot of things and if it were a person, I still believe it would be the man I never met but have learned so much about. I have seen one picture of him- and it was taken during his tour in Vietnam in the mechanic's shop, so when I went to see him in my mind I saw him in his flight suit, with a silly look on his face with his head turned halfway around and kind of cocked to one side. Going through this weeks exercise brought me even closer to my grandfathers memory. This healer within me has the characteristics, ethics, morals and drive that I want to exercise within my own life. To be able to be thrust into the middle of such chaos and yet never lose sight of who you are or why you are there is something that most of us take for granted and then fail miserably at. But to be able to rise above the chaos and shine for others to see and take comfort in, to me, that truly is a wise man.

- Jen R.