My Inner Healer

This week, I wanted to try something new and as I was listening to the woman on the cd tell me to envision someone wise my grandfather popped into my head. Without even realizing it, during this exercise I was doing something "new", but I didn't recognize it until I was reading the other blogs and reflecting on my personal journey. When someone says, "picture someone wise" I always think of my grandfather- this may not seem odd but in fact it is. I've never met my grandfather, he was killed in Vietnam long before I was born, but I have spent the last decade of my life searching for people that served with him to try to get a personalized view of the man that he was. Time and time again I would receive e-mails about how my grandfather seemed to be a man beyond his years.

He was an officer and a pilot in a unit that did recon and intel missions that were mostly classified (and unfortunately still are). On a rainy early morning mission, his OV-1C Mohawk was shot down just after take off, both he and his co-pilot were killed and there was significant damage to both of their bodies- so much to the point that I am not sure that they were able to separate the two for burial. After the crash a soldier was dispatched with a team to attempt a recovery mission. That soldier wrote a letter to my grandmother ten years after the crash.

He said that my grandfather was a role model and that the men in the unit were devastated by the crash. My grandfather was a firm believer in Christ and while he did not push his beliefs on others, he was always there to lend support to them and to remind them that there was a higher power. He held firm in his beliefs and morals and even in the face of adversary and certain death he never swayed from what he believed in. My grandfather had such an impact on this man that after his tour was complete in Vietnam he joined the Seminary and became a Missionary of God. The letter was postmarked from Papa New Guinea and Rev. Fiebeg said that he was writing the letter to let my grandmother know that he appreciated my grandfather and the remarkable man, soldier and follower of Christ that he was.

To me, the word wise means a lot of things and if it were a person, I still believe it would be the man I never met but have learned so much about. I have seen one picture of him- and it was taken during his tour in Vietnam in the mechanic's shop, so when I went to see him in my mind I saw him in his flight suit, with a silly look on his face with his head turned halfway around and kind of cocked to one side. Going through this weeks exercise brought me even closer to my grandfathers memory. This healer within me has the characteristics, ethics, morals and drive that I want to exercise within my own life. To be able to be thrust into the middle of such chaos and yet never lose sight of who you are or why you are there is something that most of us take for granted and then fail miserably at. But to be able to rise above the chaos and shine for others to see and take comfort in, to me, that truly is a wise man.

- Jen R.

Universal Loving Kindness

I have to say I rather enjoyed this week's exercise even if it felt a little awkward to me. I have always had a strong desire to help others, even when I was a child. I don't know if this came from the way I was raised, if it happened when my parents divorced and I grew up ultra fast at the age of eight or what. Regardless of how it happened, it landed me in the field of emergency medicine. I have no qualms about going into the unknown and trying to put someone back together. But that's why this week's exercises felt a bid odd to me. I use my body and the training in my mind to help others, therefore I'm not exactly used to using my thought process in my mind to do the same thing.

I will say though, that it was as equally gratifying as if I were helping someone hands on. I am a very strong believer in the positive thought process and the management and flow of energy within a human being. This exercise helped me to apply that belief with the knowledge of medicine that I already had and use it in a different (but still positive and beneficial) manner.

Right now I think I am ready to work on my family area. I have always been extremely involved with everything that my family does and lately due to homework, housework, life stressors and everything under the sun that could possibly go wrong.... has(including the siding being blown off the side of the apartment in our latest wind storm). So I think it's time for me to take a step back- even if a baby step back is all I can manage at this point, and re-evaluate and develope a plan on how to find my groove with my family again. Here's hoping for sunshine and less wind!


-Jen R.

The Subtle Mind

I have to say I really enjoyed this weeks exercise- especially after having such a hard time with the exercises last week. I opted to use the rise and fall of my chest as my focal point and was able to immediately find a comfortable rhythm. I have had asthma since I was a child so focusing on my breathing has always kind of been a priority- especially when having an attack and the need to stay calm is so important.

The one thing that really kind of surprised me is how quickly I shut out my daily worries. I'm a multitasker and generally I have a lot going on in my mind on what needs to be done, in what order, at what time, etc., but when I got laid down and was just focusing on the rise and fall of my chest everything just kind of melted away. Pretty soon I found myself thinking I was a dandelion seed floating around this weird world of images that were also floating through my mind. None of them were really screaming for my attention or trying to draw me into them, they were just sort of there- it was rather weird... but at the same time very comforting. I think it was when I recognized that the things on my mind would still be there when I was done with my exercise that I was truly able to emerse myself into this exercise.

I didn't come out of it tired this time, I felt more awake and alive than anything and am now setting up some time this weekend so that I can go out into nature and try this out there. I love being surrounded by trees and plants and hearing the out of doors so I really want to experience the results from inside my home out there and see if they are better or worse (hopefully better).

-Jen R.

Loving Kindess

I have to admit, I had a bit of an issue with this exercise. But we'll get to that in a moment:)

I have managed to successfully find a good time and place to do my exercises, right after I put my son on the bus and my husband has gone out the door to work- it's just the cat and I so I feel pretty comfortable. I decided to just sit smack in the middle of the living room floor and use a colorful gecko I have hanging on my wall as a focal point. The gecko belonged to my little brother who was lost in a freak accident so it brings me peace in a strange sort of way.

I found the exercise to be very easy to follow and did not have any difficulty with the breathing technique or the setting up of the mental state during the beginning of the exercise. What I did have an issue with was the in and out breaths.

I have always done just the opposite with my breathing exercises, in with the good and out with the bad. in through the nose, out through the mouth. There are a number of reasons for this, but mainly becuase I was taught when I breath in the body is being filled with light and visualizing breathing in a rainbow can help with this. When I breath out, the body is purging the negative thoughts and emotions and allowing more room for the light. Visualizing exhaling black smoke is my personal choice for this part. So when the book said to breath in the negative thoughts and to allow them to dissolve in your heart and then to exhale the good ideals and emotions to help the one you are thinking of, it threw me for a loop. I did attempt the exercise the way it was presented but I felt very uncomfortable doing so as I have been breathing in the good and out the bad for so many years now. Oddly enough, after I did the exercise the way the book had it, I felt like I "had" to go back and do it the way that I have always done it- I know, I'm weird >,>

Jen